As The Economy Goes South, Divorce Rates Follow

For a long time both federal and local governments as well as family counselors have been working hard to get the devorce rate down in the U.S. Now, the economic system seems to be succeeding in doing what they could not - keep families together. Increasingly dissatisfied married couples find themselves staying together today because of the uncertain economic times ahead. Particularly in two income families where the spouses know that neither of them could survive on just one salary. In other words, until the economy improves, for many people, it's just too expensive to get a divorce.

The divorce rates in many communities bear this out. For example, in Lucas County, Ohio the divorce rate has been trending down, along with the economy, since 2003. The number of divorce filings dropped from 2,047 to 1,839 over a five year span. Local divorce filings in Fairfield, Connecticut, according to a prominent divorce attorney, has decreased 40% in the last year alone.

This scenario is being repeated across the U.S. Even people with assets are affected. The housing bubble implosion saw the homes of many homeowners decline by as much as 50% or more. No one wants to file for divorce when their assets have declined that much. Better to ride it out until the economy recovers and both parties end up with more money.

It's not really a surprise that the number of divorce filings have gone down. If you look back through history, you'll see that tight economic periods are synonymous with a low percentage of divorce. When a couple divorces, suddenly you're talking about supporting two separate households with no increase in monthly income. In addition, you're going to have court fees, moving fees, possible child support and alimony payments, and last but not least, attorney fees.

As a result, some couples have made the decision that rather than seek a divorce, to try one more time to try to work out differences. Some couples actually manage to make it work. They are able to take advantage of the situation and re-connect with the qualities in the person that they were originally attracted to. Others, however, are simply remaining in a holding pattern waiting for the first chance to escape.

Tips To Help You Adjust After Divorce

after divorce

After divorce, many individuals find themselves dealing with insecurities about themselves and their ability to stay in a stable relationship. When children are involved, a divorce can require child custody and visitation rights. Seeing a child go through the rigors of choosing one parent over the other adds to the despair and helplessness a newly divorced parent feels. Yet, divorce does not mean the end of life itself, and many individuals can move on and make a new life for themselves, and for their children.

After divorce, it is important to try and get your life back on track as soon as possible. This is especially true when it comes to entering the dating scene again. It can be extremely difficult for a divorced person to overcome the "emotional baggage" attached to divorce settlements. When your spouse wants to end the marriage, you may feel helpless and defeated because the situation is beyond your control. These feelings can carry over into future relationships you have, making it difficult for you to find love again. It is important to fight the tendency to feel sorry for yourself because your marriage is over. This only leads to you playing the role of a victim, expecting someone else to solve your problems. Instead, take the bull by the horns and make changes in your life to suit what you want and need. It could be a simple as getting a new haircut or signing up for a membership to your local gym. Whatever the remedy may be, doing things for yourself will help you heal from the stress and emotional strain a divorce can cause.

Other issues that arise after a divorce are the problems children can face when their parents are living in two different places. Child custody laws can make divorce proceedings difficult and lengthy for everyone involved. In the end, the children are left feeling pulled in two directions. Holidays are the most stressful thing children must adjust to after the custody litigation is resolved. A divorced parent can help their child by making a plan for the holidays and discussing where they will be spending them.

Explain that holiday traditions don't have to change, but will only be different because both parents won't be present. Listening to your child's fears and frustrations about the custody and visitation settlement can help them adjust to living in two places. Many children miss the parent they are not visiting, so allow them to maintain contact during their stay. Helping your child adjust will vary depending on their age, but helping them maintain a sense of normalcy in a difficult situation will help make your relationship with your child stronger.

After divorce, property settlements can be a lengthy and frustrating process to finalize. This is especially true when a couple was married for an extensive period of time. Properties not only include the home you shared, but it can also include vehicles, the family pet and personal belongings. One of the most important things in a property division is finding out who gets the home. If you are keeping the property, be sure the deed is signed over in your name so you can take full responsibility for any payments left on the home. If your spouse gets the home, be sure they sign the deed and take full responsibility. Otherwise, you could be held accountable for payment of the mortgage if they fail to pay the lender.

Financial assets can be awarded to a spouse after divorce, but it can vary depending on your lawyers, the length of the marriage and what both parties originally brought into the marriage. Finally, in some instances, a divorced person can continue to stay on their ex-spouse's health insurance plan for as long as three years. This is especially true in cases when children are involved and need to stay on one parent's coverage. Insurance plans will again depend on your divorce settlement and what concessions are made during the proceedings.

After divorce, getting your life back on track can seem daunting. This is especially true when you have to consider property settlements and child custody and visitation rights. Even finding the right time to enter the dating scene again can seem overwhelming. But there are ways to overcome the emotional stress of a divorce. By finding time for yourself and discovering what is important to you, you can gain a whole new outlook on life. This process of self discovery will not only help you on the road to recovery, but it will also facilitate your efforts in making transitions easier for your children.

Divorce Mediation Process: The Least Adversarial Approach to Concluding a Marriage

Avoiding court time should be your goal during separation / divorce. It is expensive! The best case scenario has the couple agreeing ahead of time how all assets will be divided, and what will happen to any affected children. Then their lawyers draft all required paperwork, and the separation/divorce is made final.

The problems begin when the couple cannot agree on the process, or the splitting of assets. The divorce mediation process is the way to go in this case. If the two of you can agree on a specific mediator, then this is the best and most economical route.

A divorce mediator is a nonaligned person or organisation which is professionally trained to assist separating couples to work out the unavoidable quarrels taking place in the course of the divorce mediation process. The most important duty of the divorce mediator is to create a realistic and practical separation arrangement.

5 Basic Reasons Why Divorce Mediation Is Better

(1) usually faster and cheaper than lawyers/courts
(2) more personal, as the couple shape the final agreement
(3) makes for a "friendlier" divorce (good if young children are involved)
(4) more flexible than court ordered agreements
(5) more confidential than court ordered agreements

The Process of Divorce Mediation

The mediator will probably work you through a number of draft agreements, until the final draft thus generated is agreed upon by both aggrieved parties in the divorce process. The divorce mediator will develop a closing document fit to be signed and sealed by both persons.

This divorce mediation process does not mean you can skip your lawyer. Both the parties should still be represented through their lawyers, who would conduct a review of the concluded divorce agreement. 

Finding a Mediator

Here is a short list of some ways of finding a mediator.

(1) yellow pages
(2) circle of friends
(3) your lawyers
(4) search the Internet

Separation and divorce are stressful parts of life, and the legal process can sometimes make it more adversarial than it needs to be. Our hope is that you and your ex can agree on a mediator, as it can be a much calmer and sane way to go through the process.

Going Separate Ways When It’s Time To Play

There he goes again! He’s off to the baseball game with his friends while you are at home alone. He didn’t even ask if you would like to go. Of course, you always seem to be making plans with your girlfriends that exclude men. If these descriptions sound like your situation and you’re married, the chances are you are having marital problems related to feeling neglect. You didn’t get married just so you could cook dinner! You got married because you were sure you both would be great friends with common interests and goals.

 

When one spouse sees another developing a completely separate life from the marriage, it can be difficult to handle. When you are first married you couldn’t wait to do so many things together. In most cases you probably weren’t even interested in playing without your spouse while a newly wed. But relationships change and people’s interests vary, and life is full of responsibility. Taking care of these responsibilities can lead to husbands and wives going their separate ways when it is time to have some fun. Someone has to watch the children for example and someone has to finish the chores this weekend and so on.

Spouses may also go their separate ways when they feel as if they have grown apart. When there is constant arguing or disagreement in the marriage, you really don’t feel like spending any more time with you spouse than you need to. Who wants to play with someone they are not getting along with? Unfortunately, the more you go your separate ways the more likely you are to end up divorced. You wake up one morning and realize the relationship is in real trouble.

Easy Solutions to the Problem

It is really not difficult to deal with the problem of never doing anything together. It’s amazing how many couples begin to live separate lives and then wonder where the love went! Keeping a marriage healthy means you have to act like an item and not two people just living under the same roof.

If you find you don’t want to spend time with your spouse when it’s time to play, then you should evaluate the problems in the marriage leading to these feelings. If there are unresolved anger issues then you need to talk to your spouse and explore how to resolve them. Keeping the communication lines open in the marriage is crucial.

Of course, if you don’t spend play time together because of responsibilities, you need to approach the problem from a different angle. For example, if you have children it might not be possible to go out together. In which case you can find activities to do together at home or with the entire family.

There are many things you can do together that are relationship strengthening and don’t require major life changes.

• Set aside a time to go out on a date together at least once or twice a month

• Pick an activity you can do frequently that doesn’t take much time such as walks around the block

• Invite joint friends over to your house for a BBQ or to watch a sports event

• Find at least one thing you can do together that interests you both such as going to a movie or the theatre

• Be spontaneous when possible and invite your spouse to the local outdoor concert in the park or to attend the local festival

Controlling the Circumstances

The point is to begin to play together on a regular basis. Chances are your spouse doesn’t understand how you are feeling if you have never expressed your frustration at failing to do anything together. Many times people don’t intentionally ignore their spouse, but just get caught up in circumstances. For example, your friends call and want to play golf every Saturday and you’re too tired at the end of the day to take your wife out to dinner. She calls her friends and goes out to dinner without you.

Naturally if you are intentionally avoiding each other there are deeper issues to resolve. You can begin by talking about your feelings in a non-confrontational manner. By doing so there will be a chance to begin recognizing those similarities you once shared. If the marital problems are discouraging you from sharing play time then it is even more important that you set aside time to do some things together.

 

Because if you don't make the effort it will end up in divorce

 

Can This Marriage Be Saved By Just One Spouse?

Many people have doubts or hesitate to agree to save their marriage. This issue stems from being disillusioned and unwilling to continue the marriage. The concern of can this marriage be saved arise from a perspective of view that let us see that there is not a lot of communication between the spouses. A single-handed effort to save a marriage may work at times but in some cases it will fail. Asking experts, can this marriage be saved and then outlining factors that show a potential for saving can help to encourage the spouse.

Factors

Can this marriage be saved by the efforts of one spouse?. Some people ask this especially when their couples seem to have given up on stopping the divorce. The answer to can this marriage be saved is actually dependent on many factors in the marriage.

Among the issues that can mean a salvageable marriage is the degree of love that both individuals feel for each other. To spend time with someone always develops affection, if not love. If love has walked out of the relationship, one person can feel abandoned. concern]. A nice detail would be to make the other one a present, like a box of chocolates or a chocolate basquet.

Asking can this marriage be saved is to recognize that there is a big problem between the two spouses. The problem could not be that big if only one of the spouses acknowledges it. One factor that gives an answer the question can this marriage be saved positively is the willingness of both parties to dialog with each other. The need and the want to be open with your couple shows that you are willing to go the distance regarding saving the marriage and living a better marriage with your spouse.

A marriage, after all works best with two people working every second on it. Just one spouse who is willing to save the marriage may be in for a disappointment when the other rejects his or her efforts. If you notice the factors that make for a salvageable marriage, the cooperation of both spouses is still needed in the end. A good way of having something in common would be to adopt a puppy dog and share its training.

Minimizing The Impact Between Divorce And Children

family divorce

The number one concern of parents who decide to get divorced is the impact of family divorce and their children's well being. By understanding the fears of children whose parents are getting divorced, knowing what parents can do to help address and alleviate those fears, and doing those things, parents can help their children through what will probably be the roughest time of a child's life.

Being Afraid

Children and divorced parents have a lot to be afraid of. Their world has been turned upside down, and their future is suddenly uncertain. Parents can reduce the uncertainty – and the stress and fear – by working out all these details before they even tell the children about the divorce, so they can answer all the child's questions at one time.

Where Will They Live?

Kids are aware that their parents will be living in different housing from now on. The child is never going to have her mother and father instantly available to her at the same time under one roof where they all live. This knowledge is extremely stressful, especially in cases where the family home has to be sold or where parents live in different cities after the divorce.

Parents who work out these details beforehand can help children fearing change and  divorce get through this difficult time by eliminating the stress associated with uncertainty.

How Will Their Time Be Divided Between Their Parents?

Children and divorcing parents know all about visitation and split parenting time, because they no doubt have friends whose parents are divorced. Learning from these experiences, the kids will get a grasp of changes or confustion that will arise from deciding who will pick them up at school along with other parental duties.

Even when the divorced family gets along extremely well, visitation is the most stressful aspect of children of divorce. After all, who among us would take a job that required us to split our time, 50/50, between two different locations? Not many. Having two homes in two different places, and having to shuttle all our stuff back and forth between the two of them, would be too stressful for many adults to undertake. Yet divorcing parents expect children to adapt and adjust.

Many divorced parents have adopted the practice of leaving the children in the family home and having the parents be the ones who move in and out of the picture. Not everyone will agree with the arrangements, but it could be the best way for both parties to deal with the issue of divorce and children.