Divorce Mediation Process: The Least Adversarial Approach to Concluding a Marriage

Avoiding court time should be your goal during separation / divorce. It is expensive! The best case scenario has the couple agreeing ahead of time how all assets will be divided, and what will happen to any affected children. Then their lawyers draft all required paperwork, and the separation/divorce is made final.

The problems begin when the couple cannot agree on the process, or the splitting of assets. The divorce mediation process is the way to go in this case. If the two of you can agree on a specific mediator, then this is the best and most economical route.

A divorce mediator is a nonaligned person or organisation which is professionally trained to assist separating couples to work out the unavoidable quarrels taking place in the course of the divorce mediation process. The most important duty of the divorce mediator is to create a realistic and practical separation arrangement.

5 Basic Reasons Why Divorce Mediation Is Better

(1) usually faster and cheaper than lawyers/courts
(2) more personal, as the couple shape the final agreement
(3) makes for a "friendlier" divorce (good if young children are involved)
(4) more flexible than court ordered agreements
(5) more confidential than court ordered agreements

The Process of Divorce Mediation

The mediator will probably work you through a number of draft agreements, until the final draft thus generated is agreed upon by both aggrieved parties in the divorce process. The divorce mediator will develop a closing document fit to be signed and sealed by both persons.

This divorce mediation process does not mean you can skip your lawyer. Both the parties should still be represented through their lawyers, who would conduct a review of the concluded divorce agreement. 

Finding a Mediator

Here is a short list of some ways of finding a mediator.

(1) yellow pages
(2) circle of friends
(3) your lawyers
(4) search the Internet

Separation and divorce are stressful parts of life, and the legal process can sometimes make it more adversarial than it needs to be. Our hope is that you and your ex can agree on a mediator, as it can be a much calmer and sane way to go through the process.

Going Separate Ways When It’s Time To Play

There he goes again! He’s off to the baseball game with his friends while you are at home alone. He didn’t even ask if you would like to go. Of course, you always seem to be making plans with your girlfriends that exclude men. If these descriptions sound like your situation and you’re married, the chances are you are having marital problems related to feeling neglect. You didn’t get married just so you could cook dinner! You got married because you were sure you both would be great friends with common interests and goals.

 

When one spouse sees another developing a completely separate life from the marriage, it can be difficult to handle. When you are first married you couldn’t wait to do so many things together. In most cases you probably weren’t even interested in playing without your spouse while a newly wed. But relationships change and people’s interests vary, and life is full of responsibility. Taking care of these responsibilities can lead to husbands and wives going their separate ways when it is time to have some fun. Someone has to watch the children for example and someone has to finish the chores this weekend and so on.

Spouses may also go their separate ways when they feel as if they have grown apart. When there is constant arguing or disagreement in the marriage, you really don’t feel like spending any more time with you spouse than you need to. Who wants to play with someone they are not getting along with? Unfortunately, the more you go your separate ways the more likely you are to end up divorced. You wake up one morning and realize the relationship is in real trouble.

Easy Solutions to the Problem

It is really not difficult to deal with the problem of never doing anything together. It’s amazing how many couples begin to live separate lives and then wonder where the love went! Keeping a marriage healthy means you have to act like an item and not two people just living under the same roof.

If you find you don’t want to spend time with your spouse when it’s time to play, then you should evaluate the problems in the marriage leading to these feelings. If there are unresolved anger issues then you need to talk to your spouse and explore how to resolve them. Keeping the communication lines open in the marriage is crucial.

Of course, if you don’t spend play time together because of responsibilities, you need to approach the problem from a different angle. For example, if you have children it might not be possible to go out together. In which case you can find activities to do together at home or with the entire family.

There are many things you can do together that are relationship strengthening and don’t require major life changes.

• Set aside a time to go out on a date together at least once or twice a month

• Pick an activity you can do frequently that doesn’t take much time such as walks around the block

• Invite joint friends over to your house for a BBQ or to watch a sports event

• Find at least one thing you can do together that interests you both such as going to a movie or the theatre

• Be spontaneous when possible and invite your spouse to the local outdoor concert in the park or to attend the local festival

Controlling the Circumstances

The point is to begin to play together on a regular basis. Chances are your spouse doesn’t understand how you are feeling if you have never expressed your frustration at failing to do anything together. Many times people don’t intentionally ignore their spouse, but just get caught up in circumstances. For example, your friends call and want to play golf every Saturday and you’re too tired at the end of the day to take your wife out to dinner. She calls her friends and goes out to dinner without you.

Naturally if you are intentionally avoiding each other there are deeper issues to resolve. You can begin by talking about your feelings in a non-confrontational manner. By doing so there will be a chance to begin recognizing those similarities you once shared. If the marital problems are discouraging you from sharing play time then it is even more important that you set aside time to do some things together.

 

Because if you don't make the effort it will end up in divorce

 

Can This Marriage Be Saved By Just One Spouse?

Many people have doubts or hesitate to agree to save their marriage. This issue stems from being disillusioned and unwilling to continue the marriage. The concern of can this marriage be saved arise from a perspective of view that let us see that there is not a lot of communication between the spouses. A single-handed effort to save a marriage may work at times but in some cases it will fail. Asking experts, can this marriage be saved and then outlining factors that show a potential for saving can help to encourage the spouse.

Factors

Can this marriage be saved by the efforts of one spouse?. Some people ask this especially when their couples seem to have given up on stopping the divorce. The answer to can this marriage be saved is actually dependent on many factors in the marriage.

Among the issues that can mean a salvageable marriage is the degree of love that both individuals feel for each other. To spend time with someone always develops affection, if not love. If love has walked out of the relationship, one person can feel abandoned. concern]. A nice detail would be to make the other one a present, like a box of chocolates or a chocolate basquet.

Asking can this marriage be saved is to recognize that there is a big problem between the two spouses. The problem could not be that big if only one of the spouses acknowledges it. One factor that gives an answer the question can this marriage be saved positively is the willingness of both parties to dialog with each other. The need and the want to be open with your couple shows that you are willing to go the distance regarding saving the marriage and living a better marriage with your spouse.

A marriage, after all works best with two people working every second on it. Just one spouse who is willing to save the marriage may be in for a disappointment when the other rejects his or her efforts. If you notice the factors that make for a salvageable marriage, the cooperation of both spouses is still needed in the end. A good way of having something in common would be to adopt a puppy dog and share its training.

Minimizing The Impact Between Divorce And Children

family divorce

The number one concern of parents who decide to get divorced is the impact of family divorce and their children's well being. By understanding the fears of children whose parents are getting divorced, knowing what parents can do to help address and alleviate those fears, and doing those things, parents can help their children through what will probably be the roughest time of a child's life.

Being Afraid

Children and divorced parents have a lot to be afraid of. Their world has been turned upside down, and their future is suddenly uncertain. Parents can reduce the uncertainty – and the stress and fear – by working out all these details before they even tell the children about the divorce, so they can answer all the child's questions at one time.

Where Will They Live?

Kids are aware that their parents will be living in different housing from now on. The child is never going to have her mother and father instantly available to her at the same time under one roof where they all live. This knowledge is extremely stressful, especially in cases where the family home has to be sold or where parents live in different cities after the divorce.

Parents who work out these details beforehand can help children fearing change and  divorce get through this difficult time by eliminating the stress associated with uncertainty.

How Will Their Time Be Divided Between Their Parents?

Children and divorcing parents know all about visitation and split parenting time, because they no doubt have friends whose parents are divorced. Learning from these experiences, the kids will get a grasp of changes or confustion that will arise from deciding who will pick them up at school along with other parental duties.

Even when the divorced family gets along extremely well, visitation is the most stressful aspect of children of divorce. After all, who among us would take a job that required us to split our time, 50/50, between two different locations? Not many. Having two homes in two different places, and having to shuttle all our stuff back and forth between the two of them, would be too stressful for many adults to undertake. Yet divorcing parents expect children to adapt and adjust.

Many divorced parents have adopted the practice of leaving the children in the family home and having the parents be the ones who move in and out of the picture. Not everyone will agree with the arrangements, but it could be the best way for both parties to deal with the issue of divorce and children.